AI Researcher's New Startup: Because Who Needs Humans Anyway?

In a move that shocked absolutely no one in Silicon Valley, famed AI researcher Dr. Rob O'Reilly has launched a startup called Mechanize, with the modest goal of replacing all human workers everywhere. Because, let's face it, humans are so last millennium.

"We've reached a point where AI can do everything better than humans," said Dr. O'Reilly, while an AI behind him nodded sagely. "From making coffee to writing satirical tech articles, there's just no need for human error anymore."

The startup's flagship product, AutoEmployee™, promises to eliminate the need for human workers by combining the latest in AI, robotics, and a complete disregard for the concept of job security. Early adopters include several tech CEOs who were tired of pretending to care about their employees' "well-being."

• No more bathroom breaks
• No more requests for raises
• No more awkward office holiday parties

Critics argue that replacing all human workers might lead to some societal issues, like, say, the collapse of the global economy. But Dr. O'Reilly remains undeterred. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he said, before quickly adding, "And by 'we,' I mean the AI that will inevitably replace me too."

In related news, humanity has announced plans to launch a counter-startup called OrganicThink, which will specialize in things like "creativity," "empathy," and "not being powered by algorithms." Early reviews are mixed.