Amazon’s New AI Agent: Because Who Needs Free Will When Shopping?

In a groundbreaking move that has left both consumers and their wallets trembling, Amazon has announced its latest innovation: Buy for Me, an AI shopping agent that essentially removes the last vestiges of human decision-making from the shopping experience. Because, let's face it, choosing between 50 nearly identical products was just too hard.

This new feature, currently being tested with a select group of guinea pigs—sorry, users—promises to scour the internet for products Amazon doesn’t sell, because heaven forbid Jeff Bezos’ empire doesn’t have something. "Why settle for Amazon’s mere millions of products when you can have... more?" said no sane person ever.

Here’s how it works (or doesn’t, because it’s AI):

• You search for something on Amazon, like a unicorn-shaped coffee mug.
• Amazon doesn’t have it (shocking).
• The AI, in its infinite wisdom, suggests you buy it from RandomThirdPartySite.ru instead.
• You question your life choices as you await your package from a website you’ve never heard of.

Critics are calling this feature "the final nail in the coffin for retail therapy", as it completely removes the joy (or despair) of aimlessly browsing through products you don’t need. "Where’s the fun in that?" asked every shopaholic ever.

In related news, Amazon’s next AI project is rumored to be Eat for Me, where drones will force-feed you based on your browsing history. Because making your own meals is so 2023.