Claude the Creepy: Your New AI Overlord Now Snoops Through Your Emails

In a move that absolutely no one saw coming (except everyone), Anthropic has decided that what the world really needs is an AI that can rifle through your personal correspondence like a nosy neighbor. Meet Claude, the latest AI chatbot that's less about helping you and more about judging your life choices based on your Gmail.

Big Brother, but Make It AI

That's right, folks. Claude can now access your Gmail, Google Calendar, and Google Docs. Because nothing says 'trustworthy' like a machine scanning your half-written novel titled 'How I Plan to Fake My Own Death and Move to Bali'. Anthropic assures us this is all for your convenience, but let's be real—it's just preparing for the eventual AI takeover.

'We're rolling this out in beta first,' said an Anthropic spokesperson, presumably while wearing a hooded robe and standing in a circle of candles. 'Because nothing tests invasive features like letting them loose on a few unsuspecting Pro plan subscribers.'

Features You Didn't Ask For

• Reads your emails aloud in a disappointed tone
• Judges your calendar entries (''Another 3-hour 'meeting' at the coffee shop, Karen?'')
• Autocorrects your Google Docs to make them more 'corporate-friendly'

And the best part? Administrators can manage this for multi-user accounts. So now your boss can not only micromanage your work but also have Claude tattle on you for that 'Working From Home' day you spent binge-watching cat videos.

In conclusion, welcome to the future, where privacy is just a quaint concept from the early 2000s, and your AI assistant is probably composing breakup emails on your behalf. Stay vigilant, folks.