Google's Android News Now So Exciting It Needs Its Own Virtual Event (Because Who Watches I/O for Android?)

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Google has decided that Android news is simply too earth-shatteringly important to be just another bullet point in their Google I/O keynote. Instead, they're treating us to "The Android Show: I/O Edition," a virtual event that promises to be as thrilling as watching paint dry, but with more emojis.

"We realized that people were only tuning into I/O for the free swag and to see if Sundar Pichai would trip on stage," said a Google spokesperson, who may or may not have been wearing a VR headset during the interview. "Android updates deserve their own spotlight, preferably one that doesn't have to compete with yet another demo of Google Assistant ordering pizza."

The event, airing on May 13, is expected to cover groundbreaking updates like:

• Android 13: Now with 13% more bloatware!
• Google Play Store: Introducing ads in your app updates!
• Pixel Buds: Now with 50% more chance of falling out of your ears!

Tech enthusiasts are thrilled at the prospect of another corporate webinar. "I can't wait to see how they'll spin 'minor UI tweaks' into 'the future of mobile computing,'" said one eager viewer, sarcastically. "It's like they think we don't remember last year's 'revolutionary' dark mode update."

Meanwhile, Apple executives were reportedly seen laughing hysterically, until they remembered they have to do their own keynote next month. The cycle continues.