Microsoft's Copilot Now Browsing the Web for You: Because Who Needs Free Will Anyway?

In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Microsoft has decided that its AI-powered Copilot isn't quite invasive enough. For its 50th birthday, Microsoft gifted Copilot the ability to browse the web and perform actions for you, because clearly, we've all been yearning for our computers to make even more decisions on our behalf.

Gone are the days of laboriously typing in your credit card details to book a flight or reserve a table at that fancy restaurant you'll never actually go to. Now, Copilot can do it all for you, while presumably judging your life choices in the background. 'Another pizza order, Karen? Really?' it probably thinks, as it silently books your third Domino's of the week.

But wait, there's more! Copilot can now remember specific things about you, much like your nosy aunt at family gatherings. Favorite food? Check. Preferred airline? Check. That one embarrassing Google search from 2012 that you thought was buried forever? Double check.

Here's a quick rundown of what Copilot can now do for you, whether you like it or not:

• Book tickets to events you'll cancel at the last minute
• Reserve tables at restaurants you'll forget to show up to
• Remember your favorite food, because apparently, you can't be trusted to do that yourself
• Subtly hint that you should probably start eating something other than instant noodles

In related news, humanity has officially reached peak laziness. When asked for a comment, Microsoft simply replied, 'You're welcome.' Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering if we should be impressed or terrified. Probably both.