OpenAI to GPT-4.5: 'It's Not You, It's Us (And Our Obsession With Shiny New Things)'

In a move that shocked absolutely no one in the tech world, OpenAI announced plans to give GPT-4.5 the old heave-ho from its API lineup. 'We just feel like we're not in the same place anymore,' OpenAI was overheard whispering to GPT-4.5 during an awkward coffee meet-up at a Silicon Valley Starbucks.

The breakup, set to be finalized by July 14, leaves developers scrambling like ants at a picnic when someone suddenly remembers they're vegan. 'We're committed to making this transition as smooth as possible,' OpenAI stated, while simultaneously rolling out a red carpet for GPT-4.5's successor, who is already waiting in the wings with a better haircut and more parameters.

GPT-4.5, released just last February, is reportedly taking the news well, spending its remaining days binge-watching 'Black Mirror' and updating its LinkedIn profile with buzzwords like 'blockchain' and 'synergy' in a desperate attempt to stay relevant.

Meanwhile, developers are left to ponder the existential question: 'If an AI model is deprecated in the forest of the internet, does it make a sound?' The answer, according to OpenAI's roadmap, is a resounding 'No,' followed by a prompt to please start using their newer, shinier model.

In related news, OpenAI also hinted at the release of GPT-5, which is rumored to not only write your emails but also judge you for not responding to your mother's texts. Stay tuned for more updates, or don't—GPT-4.5 certainly won't be around to remind you.