Pinterest's AI Now Knows You Better Than Your Therapist – Visual Search Gets a Mind of Its Own

In a groundbreaking move that has left both tech enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists buzzing, Pinterest has announced an upgrade to its visual search feature that's so advanced, it might just start dreaming about your next DIY project before you do. "Because who needs privacy when you have convenience?" whispered a Pinterest exec, probably.

The new AI-powered features promise to not only find you that perfect rustic-chic coffee table you didn't know you needed but also to judge your life choices based on your search history. "We've trained our AI to understand the deep, unspoken desires of your soul," said the company, which is either a poetic way to describe machine learning or the beginning of a Black Mirror episode.

Here's what's new in the update that's set to redefine "creepy yet cool":

• Precision Narrowing: Now, when you search for "wedding dresses," Pinterest can tell if you're actually getting married or just spiraling into a 2 AM existential crisis.
• Refinement Tools: The AI will gently suggest that maybe, just maybe, you have enough pictures of avocado toast saved already.
• Predictive Pinning: Before you even think about wanting to redecorate your living room, Pinterest will have already sent you 50 ideas, a coupon for throw pillows, and a therapist's contact info.

Critics argue that this is just another step towards machines taking over the world, but let's be real—if an AI can finally understand why we pinned that "30-minute ab workout" three years ago and never looked at it again, maybe it's for the best.

In related news, Pinterest's stock price soared after the announcement, while therapists everywhere reported a sudden drop in clients. Coincidence? Probably. But we'll let the AI decide.