Commerce News
Browse our collection of satirical articles about Commerce
Amazon's 'Coincidental' Book Sale: A Masterclass in Corporate 'Support' for Small Businesses
Linktree Now Lets You Monetize Your Existence: Because Your Cat Videos Deserve More Than Just Adoration
Khloe Kardashian's Khloud Popcorn: The Snack That Promises to Elevate Your Selfie Game to Cloud Nine
Shein and Temu Decide US Shoppers Need a 'Financial Workout' with New Price Hikes
In a move that shocked absolutely no one who's been paying attention to the global economy, Shein and Temu have announced they're raising prices for their US customers. Why? Becaus...
Amazon Drivers: The Unsung Heroes of Your Midlife Crisis and Package Deliveries
In a world where your Alexa device judges your music choices and your fridge orders more kale than you could ever eat, Amazon is once again pushing the envelope. This time, they're turning their de...
Jobandtalent's AI Now So Smart It Can Recruit Your Coffee Machine (And Yes, It's Overqualified)
In a groundbreaking move that has left both the tech and temp worlds scratching their heads, Jobandtalent has raised a cool $103 million to further its mission of... well, we're no...
Lyst Loses Its Luster: Fashion Marketplace Once Worth More Than Your Grandma's Antique Vase Sold for Price of a Designer Handbag
In a shocking turn of events that has left the fashion world gasping louder than a Victorian lady in a corset, Lyst, the high-end fashion marketplace once valued at a cool $700 million, ha...
Shopify CEO Mandates AI Over Humans: 'Because Robots Don't Need Coffee Breaks'
In a move that has left employees and office coffee machines equally devastated, Shopify CEO Tobi Lütke has issued a groundbreaking memo: 'Why hire humans when AI doesn't take lunch breaks?...
Amazon’s New AI Agent: Because Who Needs Free Will When Shopping?
In a groundbreaking move that has left both consumers and their wallets trembling, Amazon has announced its latest innovation: Buy for Me, an AI shopping agent that essentially rem...
TikTok Shop Invades Europe: Because What's More Viral Than Capitalism?
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, TikTok has announced its plans to unleash TikTok Shop upon the unsuspecting citizens of France, Germany, and Italy. Because nothing says <...
Amazon's New AI Feature: Because You Definitely Needed More Reasons to Spend Money
In a bold move that absolutely no one saw coming, Amazon has decided to double down on its mission to separate you from your hard-earned cash. Introducing "Interests", the...
T-Shirt Tycoons: How Bluesky Outfits Outdid Zuckerberg in the Fashion of Mockery
In a world where tech moguls are usually seen in hoodies and jeans, Bluesky has taken the high road—or perhaps the cheeky back alley—by turning a simple T-shirt into a lucrative empire of mockery. ...
Google Plays Hide and Seek with EU's Digital Markets Act, Loses
In a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly seen coming, Google has found itself in the hot seat with the European Union once again. This time, it's for allegedly playing a little ...
Google Unleashes Kids' Wildest Dreams: Unlimited Candy Purchases with Google Wallet
In a move that has parents everywhere quaking in their boots, Google has announced that children can now use Google Wallet for in-store payments. That's right, the little tykes can now tap their wa...
GrubMarket Gobbles Up $50M to Teach AI the Secret of Overpriced Avocados
In a bold move that has left both Wall Street and Whole Foods shoppers aghast, GrubMarket has successfully raised $50 million to further its quest to dominate the $1 trillion food distribution indu...