Venture News
Browse our collection of satirical articles about Venture
TechCrunch Extends Side Event Deadline: Because Your AI Project Wasn't Ready Last Week Either
TechCrunch Disrupt 2025: Your Chance to Speak (Or Just Brag About Your Startup in Front of 10,000 People)
Startups Drown in Cash While Investors Pray for a Miracle in 2025
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, startups have once again broken the bank in Q1, scooping up a cool $91.5 billion in venture capital funding. Accordi...
Ex-Tesla Team Creates 'Atomic' AI to Save Supply Chains from Themselves (Because Humans Clearly Can't)
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, former Tesla supply chain leaders have decided that the best way to prevent another near-apocalyptic production meltdown is to remove humans from the equat...
TechCrunch Sessions: AI - The Hunger Games for Exhibit Tables
In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming (except everyone), TechCrunch Sessions: AI is upon us, and the exhibit tables are disappearing faster than your privacy on a fre...
Hurry! Only 48 Hours Left to Sell Your Soul (I Mean, Secure Your Pass) for TechCrunch All Stage
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, TechCrunch has announced that time is running out to secure your precious founder or investor pass for thei...
Intel Capital's Midlife Crisis: From Chip Daddy to Startup Sugar Baby
In a move that shocked absolutely no one who's ever witnessed a midlife crisis, Intel Capital has decided it's time to leave the nest, trade in its minivan for a Tesla, and start swiping right on s...
Hurry! Only 72 Hours Left to Spend $300+ on TechCrunch Tickets You'll Regret Not Buying
That's right, folks! The clock is ticking louder than your anxiety about missing out on the TechCrunch All Stage event. You have a mere three days to save $300+
Hurry! Only 96 Hours to Save $300+ on Tickets to Watch Rich People Talk About Being Rich
That's right, folks! The clock is ticking faster than a startup's burn rate, and you've got just four days to secure your golden ticket to the TechCrunch All Stage extrava...
Hurry! Only 96 Hours to Pretend You're a Tech Mogul at TechCrunch's 'All Stage' Extravaganza
Tick-tock, tech enthusiasts! The clock is mercilessly counting down the final 4 days to secure your golden ticket to the most exclusive circle jerk—err, we mean networking even...
TechCrunch Disrupt 2025: Your Golden Ticket to Silicon Valley Stardom (or at Least Free Wi-Fi)
Do you have a revolutionary idea that's just a PowerPoint presentation away from changing the world? Or perhaps you've mastered the art of nodding thoughtfully while someone says <...
Only 7 Days Left to 'Enrich' VCs with Your Startup Dreams – Save a Whopping $300!
In a groundbreaking announcement that has sent shockwaves through the startup ecosystem (or at least through the inboxes of those who haven't unsubscribed yet), TechCrunch All Stage
AI or Die: AngelList CEO Declares Every Startup Must Now Be an AI Startup or Face Extinction
In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the tech industry, AngelList CEO Avlok Kohli has declared that every software company must now be an AI company, or ...
TechCrunch All Stage: Where Founders Go to Pretend They're Changing the World
Mark your calendars, folks! The TechCrunch All Stage (formerly known as Early Stage, because apparently, we're all about rebranding to sound more important) is making its grand return to Boston on ...
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