Instacart CEO Ditches Groceries for Robots: Fidji Simo Joins OpenAI to Teach AI How to Shop

In a move that shocked absolutely no one in the tech world, Instacart CEO Fidji Simo has announced her departure from the grocery delivery service to join OpenAI. Why? Because apparently, teaching AI how to pick the perfect avocado wasn't challenging enough.

Simo, who has been moonlighting as an OpenAI board member, will now take on the role of Application CEO. That's right, she's leaving behind the cutthroat world of grocery delivery to dive headfirst into the even more cutthroat world of... making sure AI applications don't accidentally order 100 pounds of bananas instead of one.

"I'm excited to bring my expertise in consumer behavior to OpenAI," Simo said, while presumably practicing her "I'm not laughing" face. "There's so much potential here, like programming AI to understand that 'organic' doesn't just mean 'twice as expensive for no reason.'"

Industry experts are buzzing with predictions about what Simo's move means for the future of AI. Some speculate that OpenAI might soon launch a grocery delivery service, while others believe Simo is simply tired of explaining to investors why Instacart's stock fluctuates every time someone forgets to buy milk.

• Prediction 1: OpenAI will now have an AI that can argue with customers about substitution choices.
• Prediction 2: Simo will introduce a feature where AI can judge you for your late-night snack choices.
• Prediction 3: Instacart will replaceSimo with an AI CEO, completing the circle of life.

As for Instacart, the company is reportedly considering replacing Simo with a sophisticated algorithm that can perfectly mimic a CEO's ability to nod thoughtfully during earnings calls. Meanwhile, OpenAI is just happy to have someone who understands that 'machine learning' doesn't involve actual machines going to school.