OpenAI Eats Rivals for Breakfast: Enterprises Flock to AI Overlord Like It's Black Friday

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, OpenAI has begun its inevitable domination of the enterprise AI market, leaving its rivals to weep into their overpriced lattes. According to the latest 'Who's Buying AI This Week' report from fintech firm Ramp, a staggering 32.4% of U.S. businesses have been caught red-handed funneling their hard-earned cash into OpenAI's coffers.

Rival AI companies, meanwhile, have been spotted wandering the streets, holding signs that read 'Will Code for Food', as OpenAI continues to vacuum up the market share like a hyper-intelligent Roomba set to 'annihilate competition' mode.

Experts suggest that this trend is not just a fleeting romance but a full-blown love affair between enterprises and OpenAI. 'It's like they're in a rom-com, and OpenAI is the charming lead who also happens to be really good at math,' said one analyst, who wished to remain anonymous because they're still holding out hope for their AI startup.

Meanwhile, in a desperate bid to stay relevant, competing AI firms are reportedly considering rebranding. 'We're thinking of changing our name to OpenAI Jr., or maybe OpenAI Lite - with 50% less intelligence!' quipped a spokesperson for one beleaguered competitor.

As the AI wars heat up, one thing is clear: OpenAI is not just leading the pack; it's lapping it. And unless someone invents an AI that can invent a better AI, it looks like the rest might as well pack up their algorithms and go home.