Intempus Wants Robots to Experience Midlife Crises and Hangovers, Because Why Not?

In a groundbreaking move that has left both the tech community and your local barista bewildered, Intempus, a robotics company founded by 19-year-old Teddy Warner, is pioneering technology to give robots a human physiological state. Because nothing says innovation like a robot that can suffer from a midlife crisis or a hangover.

Why stop at emotions when you can add human flaws? Warner, who apparently grew up in a machinist shop (because that's where all the cool kids hang out), believes that the future of robotics lies in their ability to experience human-like states. "We're not just talking about happiness or sadness here," Warner explained. "We're talking about the full spectrum: anxiety over unpaid bills, the existential dread of a Sunday evening, and the sheer panic of realizing you've left the oven on."

Intempus's ambitious project, codenamed "Project: Why Humans Shouldn't Have All the Fun", aims to equip robots with a simulated human nervous system. This would allow them to experience everything from the joy of finding a forgotten $20 in their pocket to the despair of stepping on a Lego barefoot.

• Robots with caffeine addictions: Imagine your Roomba nervously eyeing the coffee machine at 3 PM.
• Robots that procrastinate: "I'll definitely clean the house... after this next episode."
• Robots that get road rage: "Oh, so you're just going to cut me off, Tesla? Cool. Cool."

Critics argue that giving robots human flaws might not be the best idea, especially when we're still trying to figure out how to stop them from accidentally taking over the world. But Warner remains undeterred. "If robots are going to integrate into human society, they need to understand us," he says, presumably while his robot butler sighs heavily in the background.

The project is still in its early stages, but Warner is optimistic. "We've already successfully programmed a robot to feel overwhelming guilt after forgetting a birthday," he shared. "Next up: teaching them to cry during shampoo commercials."

As for the rest of us, we can only wait and wonder: will the robots of the future be our friends, our overlords, or just really needy roommates who eat all our leftovers? Only time—and Intempus—will tell.