Khloe Kardashian's Khloud Popcorn: The Snack That Promises to Elevate Your Selfie Game to Cloud Nine

In a groundbreaking move that has left both nutritionists and Instagram influencers scratching their heads, Khloe Kardashian has launched Khloud, a protein popcorn that allegedly does more than just satisfy your mid-afternoon snack cravings. According to insiders, each kernel is infused with the essence of self-confidence, a dash of reality TV drama, and, surprisingly, actual protein.

"It's not just popcorn; it's a lifestyle," Kardashian proclaimed at the launch event, which was, of course, live-streamed to millions of followers. "With every bite, you're not just eating; you're ascending to a higher plane of existence—or at least your Instagram engagement is."

Backed by Serena Ventures and WME, Khloud is set to hit Target shelves on April 29, strategically timed to coincide with the national holiday no one knew they needed: Almost May But Not Quite Summer Yet Day. The product promises to be "guilt-free", a claim that has raised eyebrows given that guilt seems to be the primary seasoning.

But what exactly makes Khloud different from your average popcorn? For starters, each bag comes with a complimentary filter to ensure your snack matches your aesthetic. "We noticed a gap in the market for snacks that look good on your feed," explained Jessica Bixby, an associate partner at the venture. "Why settle for boring old butter when you can have a snack that's #blessed?"

Early taste testers report that Khloud has a "unique" flavor profile, described variously as "like if a gym session and a spa day had a baby" and "the taste of realizing your ex is watching your stories." Nutritional information is still somewhat nebulous, but sources confirm that each serving contains 100% of your daily recommended allowance of clout.

In related news, scientists are reportedly baffled by the discovery that Khloud popcorn bags are somehow both biodegradable and able to survive the apocalypse, much like the Kardashian brand itself.