Microsoft's AI Attempts to Resurrect Quake II, Results Are... Interesting

In a move that shocked approximately no one, Microsoft has decided to let its AI, Copilot, take a stab at game development. The result? A "playable" level of Quake II that's about as faithful to the original as a potato is to a Picasso. Bravo, AI, bravo.

According to Microsoft, this demo is a "showcase" of Copilot's gaming capabilities. If by showcase they mean "a hilarious testament to the limitations of AI in creative endeavors," then mission accomplished. Players can now experience the classic shooter as if they're viewing it through a foggy window, after three espresso shots.

The company was quick to admit that the experience isn't quite the same as playing a "well-made game." Understatement of the century, folks. It's like comparing a toddler's crayon doodle to the Sistine Chapel. Both are art, but only one makes you question your life choices.

Highlights of this AI-generated masterpiece include:

• Textures that look like they were applied with a butter knife
• Enemy AI that occasionally forgets it's supposed to shoot you
• A framerate that could double as a slideshow presentation

But hey, at least it's free. And in the grand tradition of tech demos, it's more of a "look what we can almost do" than a "look what you should actually use." So if you've ever wanted to play Quake II as interpreted by an entity that has never actually played Quake II, now's your chance.

Microsoft encourages users to "try it out for themselves," which we can only assume is code for "lower your expectations to subterranean levels." But who knows? Maybe this is the first step towards AI-generated games that don't look like they were designed by a sleep-deprived intern.

Until then, we'll just be over here, playing the original Quake II and pretending this whole thing was just a bad dream.