Parallel Systems: Because Trains Need to Learn How to Drive Themselves Too

In a world where even toasters are getting smarter, it was only a matter of time before trains decided they wanted in on the autonomy action. Enter Parallel Systems, the brainchild of CEO Matt Soule, who looked at the railroad industry and thought, "You know what this 200-year-old technology needs? Less humans."

The Los Angeles-based startup is on a mission to revolutionize freight transport by making trains autonomous and electric. Because clearly, the problem with railroads wasn't that they're inflexible and can't go off-route, but that they required a person to press the 'go' button.

Here's how it works: Imagine a train, but without the charming conductor who waves at kids. Instead, it's controlled by an algorithm that probably has a cooler social life than you do. These autonomous electric rail vehicles are designed for short-distance freight, because long-distance is so last century.

• No drivers needed: Because who needs job security when you have AI?
• Electric powered: For when you want to save the planet but still move tons of stuff around.
• Short-distance focus: Because nothing says 'innovation' like avoiding the hard problems.

But don't worry, truckers. Parallel Systems insists they're not here to replace you. They're just here to make sure your job is as futuristic and unnecessary as possible. "We see a future where trucks and autonomous trains work together," says Soule, presumably while twirling a villainous mustache.

Critics argue that the railroad industry is about as flexible as a steel beam, but Parallel Systems is undeterred. "Our technology will make railroads as nimble as a... well, a slightly less rigid steel beam," a spokesperson clarified.

So, get ready for a future where trains ghost their human operators and freight moves in eerie silence, powered by the magic of electricity and the hubris of mankind. All aboard the no-board train!