YouTube's New AI Snitch: Now Ratting Out Your Deepfake Dreams to the Elite Few

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, YouTube has decided to expand its "Big Brother is Watching" program, now rebranded as "likeness detection technology". Because nothing says "we care" like policing creativity with the precision of a overzealous hall monitor.

The platform announced that its AI, which apparently has nothing better to do, will now scrutinize content to ensure no one dares to impersonate the digital royalty—aka a "handful of top creators". Because let's face it, the rest of us peasants don't matter enough to be imitated.

YouTube's press release was dripping with irony as they pledged allegiance to the NO FAKES ACT, a legislation so boldly named it sounds like it was conceived in a middle school civics class. "We stand against fakes," said YouTube, while presumably standing on a mountain of deepfake cat videos that somehow slipped through the cracks.

Here's how the new system works: If you're thinking of making a video where you, say, deepfake your cat as the CEO of YouTube, think again. The AI will detect your feline's corporate ambitions faster than you can say "violation of community guidelines". But don't worry, the technology is only available to the chosen few—because equality is overrated.

In related news, YouTube also announced plans to release a companion feature: "AI-generated apology videos" for when creators inevitably get demonetized by mistake. Because nothing heals the soul like a robot saying "sorry, not sorry" in 4K resolution.