Clay's Valuation Soars to $3B Because Apparently, Dirt is the New Gold

In a groundbreaking development that has left economists scratching their heads and gardeners everywhere feeling undervalued, Clay, the sales automation startup that somehow convinced investors it's worth more than the GDP of small countries, has doubled its valuation to a cool $3 billion. That's right, folks. Dirt. Is. Worth. Billions.

"We always knew our dirt was special," said CEO John Mudrick, while literally rolling around in a pile of venture capital cash. "But to see it valued at $3 billion? That's just the market recognizing what we've known all along: clay is the future."

Insiders reveal that the valuation was determined after a rigorous process involving a Magic 8-Ball and a dartboard. "We threw some darts, shook the ball, and voila - $3 billion," one anonymous source shared. "It's as scientific as it gets in Silicon Valley."

But how does a company that essentially automates the process of sending emails (sorry, 'sales automation') justify such a valuation? Easy. Buzzwords. "We're not just a sales automation platform," Mudrick explained. "We're a cloud-based, AI-driven, blockchain-integrated, quantum-computing-ready sales automation platform. That's at least $2 billion in buzzwords right there."

Investors are reportedly lining up to get a piece of the action, with one stating, "I don't really understand what they do, but I heard 'valuation doubling' and my FOMO kicked in." Meanwhile, competitors are scrambling to rebrand as dirt-related entities, with rumors of a rebrand from "Slack" to "Mud" circulating.

In related news, actual clay from your backyard is now seeking Series A funding. "I've been undervalued for years," said a lump of clay from Ohio. "If they can do it, why can't I?"