Google's New Feature: Now Your Search Results Can Mock You Out Loud

In a groundbreaking move that nobody asked for, Google has announced it's testing Audio Overviews for search queries. Because reading was apparently too much effort, the tech giant has decided to read your search results to you, in what can only be described as a desperate cry for attention.

"We noticed that people were spending less time staring at their screens, and we just couldn't have that," said a Google spokesperson, while subtly adjusting their tinfoil hat. "Now, with Audio Overviews, you can have your existential crises narrated to you in crisp, clear audio."

The feature, currently in testing, will reportedly use a voice that's just slightly more condescending than Siri's. Early testers have reported hearing things like, "Did you really just search for that?" and "Wow, you're really going through it, huh?" after innocently looking up "how to fold a fitted sheet."

Here's how it works: You type in a search query, and instead of the usual 10 blue links, Google's AI will sigh deeply before begrudgingly reading out the top result. For premium users, the AI will also include judgmental pauses and unnecessary commentary on your life choices.

• Search for "best pizza near me"? Get ready for a lecture about your diet.
• Look up "why is my cat staring at me"? Prepare for a 10-minute audio essay on feline mind control.
• Query "how to be happy"? Enjoy an awkward silence followed by a burst of maniacal laughter.

Critics are calling this feature "the final nail in the coffin of human interaction," while supporters argue it's the perfect solution for those who miss being scolded by their parents. Either way, it's clear that Google is committed to finding new and innovative ways to make us all feel just a little bit worse about ourselves.

In related news, Google is also rumored to be working on a Sniff Test feature, where your device will audibly gag if you search for something while smelling bad. Because apparently, privacy is dead, and personal shame is the new currency.