Lyst Loses Its Luster: Fashion Marketplace Once Worth More Than Your Grandma's Antique Vase Sold for Price of a Designer Handbag

In a shocking turn of events that has left the fashion world gasping louder than a Victorian lady in a corset, Lyst, the high-end fashion marketplace once valued at a cool $700 million, has been snapped up by Japan’s Zozo for the bargain price of $154 million. That’s right, folks – Lyst’s valuation has dropped faster than the hemline on a 1920s flapper dress.

Zozo, the proud new owner of what’s essentially a very expensive digital wardrobe, is reportedly "thrilled" with their purchase. "We’ve always wanted to own a piece of the fashion pie," said a Zozo spokesperson, while subtly adjusting their virtual tie. "And by piece, we mean a slightly bruised piece that’s been left out in the sun too long."

Industry experts are calling this the "most fashionable discount" of the century. "It’s like buying a slightly used Gucci bag at a flea market," quipped one analyst, who then immediately regretted not investing in flea markets.

Meanwhile, Lyst’s original investors are reportedly consoling themselves with the thought that $154 million is still enough to buy a lot of avocado toast. "It’s fine, everything’s fine," one investor was overheard muttering into their artisanal, fair-trade coffee.

As for what’s next for Lyst under its new ownership, rumors are swirling faster than a runway model in a tornado. Will Zozo breathe new life into the platform, or is this just a case of one fashion victim trying to save another? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure: in the world of high fashion, today’s haute couture is tomorrow’s "Oh honey, what were we thinking?"