Amazon Prime Day 2025: The Four-Day Extravaganza Where Your Wallet Goes to Die

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Amazon has announced that Prime Day 2025 will be a four-day marathon of consumerism, running from July 8-11. Because, clearly, one day wasn't enough to drain your bank account, and two was just teasing.

Amazon, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that what the world needs right now is more time to buy things we didn't know we needed until we saw them at a 0.5% discount. 'Pantry staples and snacks for summer gatherings', they say, as if we're not all just going to buy another air fryer and a questionable amount of scented candles.

Here's what you can expect from this year's Prime Daypalooza:

• Day 1: The day of hope. You'll log in, full of optimism, ready to snag those deals. Spoiler: the 'deal' is a $2 discount on a $200 blender.
• Day 2: The day of regret. You've already spent your paycheck on a year's supply of protein powder you'll never use.
• Day 3: The day of denial. 'I can stop anytime I want,' you whisper to yourself as you add a fourth smart speaker to your cart.
• Day 4: The day of acceptance. Your wallet is empty, your house is full of boxes, and you're not entirely sure what you've bought.

And let's not forget the back-to-school supplies! Because nothing says 'education' like a bulk purchase of rainbow-colored sticky notes and a laptop stand you'll use once. Amazon's got you covered, whether you're a student or just a grown adult who likes to pretend they're organized.

In conclusion, Prime Day 2025 is not just a sale; it's a lifestyle. A lifestyle where your self-control is tested, your space is cluttered, and your credit card is maxed out. But hey, at least you'll have a new air fryer, right?